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January 1, Sat
+ Happy 2005!
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11:03 PM
First of all, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! The trip to Las Vegas was exciting. The city that never sleeps; it does remind me a lot of Hong Kong, not only because of all the neon-signs everywhere and tons of people walking on the street, but also because I saw groups after groups of friends having a great time celebrating. That made me miss my friends back home. Studying abroad isn't necessarily a good thing. New year eve was crazy. There were so many people on the strip that we could barely walk. I got my butt pinched by this one girl who walked by. I don't know if I should feel violated or happy. The firework was awesome, even though there wasn't too much of a countdown. It was also crazy how we managed to cram ten people into a two-bed hotel room. We stayed at the Luxor hotel, and that was probably the most fancy/classy hotel I've ever stayed at before. Oh well, I'm a poor boy and I don't travel much. Among all the hotels that we had visited, I like the Paris hotel in particular. We had buffet at a restaurant there on Friday. The interior of the hotel was just awesome and very European-ish. One of Jen's friends, Tiffany, is studying abroad in England, and she was telling me all her experiences over there in Europe. I really hope that I'll be able to visit -- or better, live in -- Europe someday.
When we were on our way driving to Vegas, Kyle called Jen and talked to her for a bit. Guess what it was about... Yep! he found out that I'm gay. He was planning on remaking his own website, so he decided to check out mine to get some ideas, and then of course, he read my blog and immediately called Jen to let her know his huge "discovery", only to find out that she has known all along. He was a bit upset that we didn't tell him earlier, but then we thought he was a bit homophobic since he often uses homophobic comments in his daily conversations. Well, he said he is sorry about all the comments and that he didn't really use them in a homophobic way. After all, he's from the bay area and we shall see how things turn out once we get back to San Diego. To be honest, I don't really care if he knows. I just want him to be comfortable living with me first and see that there's no difference whether or not I'm gay. We were actually surprised that he didn't really know until that day since there are so many "clues" laying around. I was planning on telling him sooner or later anyway. But it was like God has read my last entry and felt like giving me a hand, "helping" Kyle to find out so that I don't have to tell him myself. Anyway, new year, new start; it's time for a new life.
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January 5, Wed
+ So the Winter Quarter Begins...
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10:17 PM
Yesterday was my first day of the quarter. It was quite eventful being the first day of school. I woke up at freaking 5:30am and walked half an hour to the bus-stop to take a 40 min bus ride just to get to my 8am Formations of Modern Art class. Luckily the professor is funny, if not I would so hate myself for taking that class even though it's a requirement. Then I met a girl whose parents are both from Hong Kong originally and has the same last name as me. I was trying to be social so I asked her for her number, which she has gladly given to me.
Remember that "certain someone" I mentioned right before the winter break? Let's make life easier and just call him K. I found out that we not only have the History of Art and Technology lecture together but we are in the same section as well. God bless! He sat by me the entire class and I was like in heaven. Did I mention that I asked for his number as well? But I doubt he is gay. You know, just my fate, always falling for straight guys...
Then later that night I went to TGI Friday's to celebrate a friend's birthday with a whole bunch of lesbians; more than 15 of them with a few gay guys if you must know!
Now tell me this is not an eventful day. What a great way to start out the quarter!
If you're really bored and have extra free time on your hand, feel free to check out the extended, detailed version of my first two days of classes...
Yesterday morning I woke up hella early because I have an 8 o'clock class. I was nervous because I had never taken the bus to school since I came down here, and I didn't really know where exactly is the bus-stop and all that. So, I woke up at 5:30am to get ready, left the house at 6:20am, and walked half an hour to the bus stop to catch the 6:52am bus. The bus ride was about 40 mins and I got to school at around 7:30am.
My first class was Formations of Modern Art. I tried to take it last quarter but it didn't fit in my schedule. I think this class should be interesting 'cause we have a really funny professor. Then I had a discussion section for the same class at 10am. This girl who sat by me in lecture is also in the same section as I am, so we talked a little bit before the section began. Her parents were from Hong Kong too, and later when the T.A. called roll, we found out that we have the same last name! What a coincident! How often do stuff like that happen!? Anyway, we exchanged phone numbers in case we want to study together or something.
After that, I had my Musical Acoustics lecture at 11am. There were quite a few cute guys in that class but the professor is quite boring, and music is just not a thing I'm excited about. I just hope that I can do well in this class.
My next class wasn't until 5pm, so I went to get lunch with Dan, and got most of my textbooks and hung out with Jen for a bit. The textbooks for two of my classes already cost me $170 and I still have two more books to get for the other class. What a rip-off!! I HATE the university bookstore! I swear next quarter I'm going to get my textbooks online beforehand.
I was very exciting about my History of Art and Technology class at 5pm. Remember that "certain someone" I mentioned right before the winter break? Let's make life easier and just call him K. We have the same class together this quarter. I was really looking forward to it and was praying my head off that K would sit by me. I went to the class and he wasn't there yet, so I got a seat and waited. Right before the class began, he came and sat down by me. I was so happy! Then we started talking, and I found out that we are not only in the same class but in the same section as well. Then I asked for his phone number "in case I miss a lecture or section, I could call him". We exchanged numbers and I was like in heaven! The class seems interesting, especially with him sitting right besides me.
After my classes, I went with Dan and Jamal to TGI Friday's for Peper's birthday. Jamal and Peper are people we met from the LGBTQIA and QPOC meetings. I wasn't going to go originally 'cause I woke up quite early that day and I was really tired, but I was so happy from all the interaction with K that I decided to be more social. There were so many people there and I recognized I few faces from the meetings as well.
Last night after I got home and took a shower, I watched the first two episodes of The O.C. with Jen, trying to get her to addict to the show. I ended up going to bed at 1:30am.
Today I only had one section from 6-8pm, but I got a ride to school with Jen at 3pm anyway since I didn't want to take the bus. K is in this section as well, so I was excited about it. The T.A. for the section is from Switzerland and she has an European accent and I think that is cool. K didn't show up when the section began and I was getting a bit worried, thinking that he might have switched to a different section or something. Then he showed up 10 mins later, so I figured he was just late, which was good 'cause it gave me a chance to fill him in with what the T.A. told us before he came. Anyway, I better get to bed since I've 8am class again tomorrow morning.
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January 10, Mon
+ An Ignorant Comment
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11:42 PM
Tonight at the LGBTQIA meeting, we had small group discussion about the lack of female representation and visibility in the queer community, like how most gay media and organizations are male oriented and such. In my group, this guy was telling us when he was in high school, one of his friends who is a lesbian came out and no one cared about it, but when he came out, he had such a tough time at school. So, I said that "in my opinion, lesbians are more socially acceptable in general comparing to gay men, and it seems that they have it easier" ... BIG MISTAKE!! In response to my comment, one of the principle members in my group basically just went off about how lesbians have it as hard as gay men and that they're under-represented in the queer community, that gay men are always the focus of the queer community, etc. She is right, and she has every right to be mad at me. I feel so bad for making that ignorant and stupid comment, and I just wanted to dig a hole for myself to crawl into right there. Of course, I basically just kept my mouth shut for the rest of the discussion. I've done enough damage already...
04:12 PM
Last night after the QPOC meeting, I went to see this film called Kinsey at an independent film theater in La Jolla with Dan and Laura, a friend who also goes to QPOC meetings. She works at the theater so she got us in for free. The movie is based on Alfred Charles Kinsey and his daring research on human sexuality. In my opinion, the movie is quite good and speaks out for a lot of sexual minorities. Alfred Kinsey was the one to voice that masturbation is okay; the one to acknowledge homosexuality and suggest the 10% ratio; the one to think that it is heathly and completely moral to think and talk about sex. I admire his openness and determination despite the disapproval of his father and the society.
School has been going okay. Not as hectic as last quarter; I'm not taking any studio or production classes this quarter, so I don't have big projects that take up lots of time, but I do have quite a bit of readings to do every week. This weekend will be a great opportunity for me to catch up with all my readings. I also want to make a new layout and implement a clique script for Open Mind. I've been wanting to do this for so long 'cause I just don't have time to manage the clique manually anymore. The clique has been on semi-hiatus for way too long. After implementing the script I'll be able to manage it and keep it updated easily. This will also be a good chance for me to move the clique onto my domain. Anyway, I always have plans every weekend but how often do I end up completing them? So we will see how it goes.
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January 17, Mon
+ The Fight to End Disciminations
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04:37 AM
I did manage to follow through with my plan, and totally fixed up my Open-Mind clique. I made a new layout for it, implemented the clique script, and moved the clique onto my domain on Saturday. Then it took me my entire Sunday to re-add all the old members. It was also a great opportunity for me to take out websites that are no longer active. I had almost 400 members before, and after the whole re-adding and cleaning up process, I lost almost half of the members. So, if you're not yet a member, please do join and support the cause of my clique.
Talking about the cause of my clique, it is like a perfect timing, since it is Martin Luther King Day today. Nowadays people look back into the time of racial segregation and racism, and think about how such discriminatory things could happen; how anyone in their right mind could do such things. But some people just never see how history is repeating itself. The only difference is the target of discrimination. First it was blacks, then it was women, now it is gays and lesbians. People in 11 states support a constitutional amendment to ban gay-marriage? Illegal to marry the person you love? Please explain this to me.
Well, Martin Lurther King Jr. had fought to end discrimination of race. Right now, we're fighting for equality and the end to discrimination of gays. We might not be able to win this battle today, but hopefully we will in a near future. But one thing can be certain, generations later, when people look back at our time period, they're going to wonder how ridiculous this is; how is it wrong to love another person regardless of their gender?
I've also included an article, basically talking about the same thing I did in the above entry but in greater details. Feel free to read through it if you have the time.
THE LANGUAGE OF BIGOTRY
by Dana Williams | Writer/Editor, Tolerance.org
(link to original article)
Drinking fountains for "whites-only" and "coloreds." Laws keeping black citizens from voting. Jim Crow statutes relegating blacks to second-class status in waiting rooms, restaurants, movie theaters and on buses.
That is the snapshot of the American South 50 years ago, the year Martin Luther King Jr.'s principles of non-violent protest found legs in the Montgomery Bus Boycott, sparking the Civil Rights Movement.
And just one year after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that separate schools are "inherently unequal" in the landmark Brown v. Board of Education decision, 1955 also marked a time of massive resistance to integration.
In the months and years that followed, segregationist politicians would block entry to schoolhouse doors; angry white mobs would pelt black students with eggs and epithets; and bigoted rhetoric intended to justify the continued separation of the races would become part of the American lexicon.
Listen to the voices:
"I want to tell you that there's not enough troops in the army to force the southern people to break down segregation and admit the Negro race into our theaters, into our swimming pools, into out homes, and into our churches."
-- Strom Thurmond, former governor of South Carolina, as quoted during a 1948 presidential campaign speech.
"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents ... The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."
-- Virginia Circuit Court Judge, Judge Leon M. Bazille, in a 1959 court opinion.
"White and Negro children in the same schools will lead to miscegenation. Miscegenation leads to mixed marriages and mixed marriages lead to the mongrelization of the human race."
-- Jackson Daily News editorial from May 17, 1954, regarding the Brown decision
'The language of bigotry'
As we celebrate the 76th anniversary of King's birth and reflect upon the movement his principles inspired, the bigoted rhetoric of half a century ago does not feel as historic as it might. It is, in fact, eerily familiar, with a new group as its target -- gays and lesbians.
Replace race with gender, and substitute "gay" for "black," and the words of 1955 could very well have been heard on last fall's campaign trail, in which appeals to homophobia littered the political landscape.
"The language of bigotry is common to many different kinds of prejudice," says Keith Boykin, president of the National Black Justice Coalition, which works to counter discrimination against LGBTQ persons in communities of color
The similarities are striking:
"Homosexual conduct is, and has been, considered abhorrent, immoral, detestable, a crime against nature, and a violation of the laws of nature and of nature's God upon which this Nation and our laws are predicated ... It is an inherit evil against which children must be protected."
-- Judge Roy Moore, former Alabama Supreme Court Justice, quoted in 2002
"The demand is that homosexuality be endorsed and promoted with the full power of the law. This would require us to abandon the standard of nature ... Once we abandon the standard of nature, what is to forbid us from resorting to any violation of nature that we may please? Why should we not return to slavery, if we find it convenient? Or the practices of incest or adultery or cannibalism?"
-- As written in a 1989 op-ed piece from the conservative Claremont Institute
Many of today's leaders and politicians employ the same politics of fear as those of segregationists who sought to frighten citizens about the harm integration would bring upon the nation.
"Fear is what drives most prejudice," Boykin said. "People buy into the fear that extending full rights to gays and lesbians will change the world as we know it, that it will change our perception of the world."
Driving out fear
King understood that you "can't determine your conscience by taking a public opinion poll," Boykin said. "The public has supported slavery, segregation, women not having the right to vote and discrimination against people with disabilities at one time or another."
The current anti-gay backlash, Boykin says, demonstrates America's historical reluctance to embrace changes that are inconsistent with the majority opinion.
Coretta Scott King, speaking near the time of the 30th anniversary of her husband's assassination, called for continued change: "I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King's dream to make room at the table of brother and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people."
And as King himself once said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
While we have made great strides in driving out the racist hate that tainted American life during King's lifetime, we have a long way to go in driving out the anti-gay rhetoric and homophobia that plague us today.
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January 21, Fri
+ The Jokes are So Real They Hurt
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11:09 PM
You know how sometimes you like someone, and even though you like them, there is this tiny bit of you that resent them for not liking you back, and then there is this bigger part of you that resent yourself for even liking them, for even falling for them in the first place, for putting yourself through all these craps, for torturing yourself emotionally... Yes, this is how I feel right now.
But then again, I don't have time for all these emotional games right now. I need to turn in an application, which consist of a portfolio and an artistic statement, for my major by next Friday. For those who don't know, I'm still in the pre-major status until I'm officially admitted to the major, and only after that can I take upper-division production classes. If I don't get in this quarter, I won't be able to graduate in two years, which wouldn't be a problem to go on an extra quarter if I wasn't a fuckin' international student and paying out-of-state tuition. My future is on the line; my life is on the line. There is no time and space for love at the moment, at least until next Friday.
I ordered the Margaret Cho live in concert 3-DVD boxed set and it came yesterday. I watched 2 of them today -- the famous I'm The One That I Want is a break-through that no one could argue, but the follow-up Notorious C.H.O. leaves me feeling she could've done better. Nonetheless, I love Margaret Cho and her daring attitude. She is not afraid of confronting all the social issues regarding races and sexual orientations. Her jokes are so real they hurt.
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January 30, Sun
+ ICAM Application
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11:29 PM
Thank you so much for all the comments. I'm so sorry I didn't really have the time to check out my dailies last week. I'll return the comments as soon as I get the time to. I can't believe I've neglected my blog for a week. It was a hectic week, but wasn't the worst I had. Sometimes I think I'm just stressing myself out. Anyway, here's a recap for the week.
Last saturday night was the first LGBTQIA Non-Sexist Dance of this quarter. It was okay, nothing too exciting or special happened. Then the rest of the week I basically went to the school library almost everyday to try to get my reading done so that I could work on my portfolio. The deadline to turn in application for ICAM (Interdisciplinary Computing and the Arts Major) was Friday, and I didn't start on my portfolio until Thursday. Yeah, call me a procrastinator... But I had a clear idea of what I want to put in the portfolio and I had all the projects ready, I just needed to put them all together and write a small description for each one and an artistic statement, which isn't really THAT much of work. I stayed up until 5am on Friday morning working on it. Well, I got to school that day and did some touching up and turned in 3 hours before the deadline. The moment when I turned in the application, I felt a mixture of relief and nauseous. On one hand, I'm glad I'm done with it, but on the other hand, the portfolio is no longer within my reach and I can't change it anymore. That was it; I'm either in or out. The admission result will be out next week. Let's hope I get in.
Yesterday was the highlight of the week. Dan, his roommate Anthony, I and this other friend went to the mall. I didn't really get much; just this beanie & wrist bands set that was on sale for only $4. Afterward we went to downtown San Diego 'cause Anthony heard that some gay porn stars were doing some kind of promotional event at this porn shop called Hustler Hollywood. When we were walking into the store, they handed us each a raffle ticket 'cause they were having a raffle later on. Guess what, the most unlucky guy on earth who had never won anything before (yes, that's me) actually WON!! I won this package with a gay porn DVD, a deck of cards with hot naked guys on them, a Hustler shirt, some condoms, and lubricants in it. There were three gay porn stars from the DVD I won and the director of the porn there signing autographs for people. I had them signed my DVD and these pictures of them for me. It was totally awesome, not to mention that was my first ever gay porn DVD. After ward we went to watch Coach Carter and it was a very good movie. Certain parts of the movie might seem cliched, but it is very inspirational and has a very good message behind it.
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