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May 2, Mon
+ Another Journey Begins
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02:13 AM
I have work tomorrow (or technically today) at 11am and I know I should be in bed right now, but for some reasons I deeply feel the need to post at this moment. Maybe because I finally have time to just sit down and filter out what have just happened in the past 4 weeks; maybe because I want to write down all the experience and memory while I still remember them; whatever the reason is, it is not important, the important part is I'm writing my journal and doing what I want at this moment.
I remember how I used to complain about not having a social life, staying at home all the time, filling my journal with a boring life. I would've never guessed I could be so busy to a point that keeping a journal become a hassle for me. A lot of things have definitely changed this quarter, or perhaps within the last two months. Getting a job on-campus is one of them. Work at Cafe Ventanas is about the same. No matter how much I like the job, it always gets old. Sometimes it is kind of exhausting too. Without a doubt it has taken up quite a bit of my time. Several weeks ago I've applied for a graphic design coordinator position at the LGBT Resource Center on campus. The interview went great and I'll be starting this summer. I'm really excited about this job, unlike working at Cafe Ventanas, this is something I'm actually passionate about. I'll be working two jobs this summer on. I need the money so I'm not complaining.
Joining a fraternity is another life-changing experience. The pledge period was awesome. We were slacking off the first half of the process, but we definitely came together and got everything done the second half. The carwash was a success. We got community service, Presidential Excursion and the Night of Madness done within one weekend. The drag show + date auction was another success. We fundraised all of our dues. Initiation was a great time; we all had so much fun in Vegas. The whole pledge period is now over (actually since last weekend), and I'm officially a brother now. I wouldn't have thought that I could be a greek, but now here I'm, in a fraternity and starting another important journey in my life.
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May 3, Tue
+ Unrequited Love
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01:58 AM
I don't even remember when was the last time I posted two nights in a row. Again, I've work at 8am in the morning and yet I'm still staying up writing this. But I guess when there's something you can't really talk to anyone, a journal is the only place you can turn to. Now that I've crossed over, things aren't as hectic as when I was pledging; I now have more time for myself to do things I enjoy doing, but this also means having more time to think about things that I wish I wouldn't think about.
Through this pledging process, one thing that I've definitely learned is that never judge a person by first impression. When I first met some of the brothers, I had all these perspectives and ideas about them, but of course what happened was all these "stereotypes" were proven wrong. There're so much more about a person than the first impression they gave you. You can never truly know a person simply by all these "stereotypes". This happened to quite a few brothers I met, but there're something more about Kiet. The more I get to know him, I just can't help myself from liking him more and more. To be honest, he was totally not my type when I first met him. Not that he's not good looking or anything, but he just wasn't my type at all. I guess it's his personality. At first, it was more like I enjoyed his company, and whenever he was around, his optimism would always cheer me up. I just felt really glad and happy to see him. Then after a while, I found myself slowly developing a feeling for him. Maybe it was because he is someone I wish I could be; maybe because he was one of the very few people who actually take on an interest in getting to know me; maybe because he was always cheering me up, making me feel worthy and desirable. Whatever the reason is, it doesn't matter anymore... Things will never work out between us, especially since we're brothers now and that he is already dating someone. I know I should stop myself from thinking about him anymore. Everyday I tell myself I'm not going to be around him anymore, but everyday I keep finding excuses to go hangout with him, and keep torturing myself with this unrealistic dream. That was why I would rather be busy, and keep my life filled and my mind occupied, so that I wouldn't have time to think about boys and love, especially boys that I can never have and love that I know will never be returned.
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May 14, Sat
+ An Eventful Quarter
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10:59 PM
This quarter is definitely one of the most eventful quarters I've ever had since I started college. I'm out doing different activities every weekend. I truly can't recall a weekend when I stay home and do nothing. One of the things that I regret about this quarter is my lack of involvement with LGBTQIA and QPOC towards the second half of the quarter. This is partly due to many fraternity related events, as well as the part time job I started this quarter. Even though I only work about 10-12 hours a week, it can be quite time consuming sometimes. The other thing that I regret is my neglection of schoolwork. Not that I'm too far behind nor am I doing poorly, but I could've done way better without other involvements that's for sure. But honestly, I don't feel too bad about it, since I've been giving my full attention to school last two years and in a sense felt like I didn't really "live" my life. Now here's my chance to enjoy life while I'm still young and still going to school; here's my opportunity to experience as much as possible before stepping into the "real world".
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