02:27 AM
Ever since New Year Eve when we invited Saman and a few other friends to come over and hangout, Kiet and Saman have been getting closer and closer. Seeing how much fun they have together, I got really jealous, and I had to constantly remind myself that I'm supposed to be over Kiet right now and I really don't have the right to be jealous. In a way I turned this jealousy into an anger towards them, but deep inside I know that I'm more angry at myself, for being so hopelessly pathetic. It was also within all these emotions that I realized how much I've neglected my other friends and how much I've invested into this "friendship" between Kiet and I. That was one of the stupidest things I could've done. It was with all these investments that I set myself up to get hurt. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Tonight I finally feel a closure. Kiet told me he's gonna start dating Thom again and hopefully developing a relationship with him. I guess I'm happy for him? But at that moment, all I felt was a deep sorrow and loneliness. I've been so foolish to let so many opportunities passed by because I thought all I need was my friendship with Kiet. I felt like everything just broke into a million pieces and I'm left pathetically alone. I guess I can call this a closure. A sad one, but a closure nonetheless. I feel the urge to go out and just find someone, just anyone who would have a slight interest in me. Even though my logic tells me this is not the best idea for me right now, but emotionally I feel like this is what I need to stand up again. Why am I such a mess right now? What happened to the days when I didn't need someone else to make me feel happy? What happened to the days when I was contented with just my friends? Those days certainly seem so far, far away.
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January 6, Fri
+ Leaving for Joshua Tree
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03:22 AM
We're leaving tomorrow morning for the Initation of the Alpha Gamma-Ta class. I've gotten most my little brother's letters and initiation presents ready. I made this awesome framed 16" x 20" poster for his paddle. I didn't get it back from Kinko's until this afternoon. We're going to Joshua Tree for the weekend and won't be back 'til sometime Sunday. I don't know why I'm still staying up, but I just can't go to sleep. I haven't been able to go to sleep early this last few days. There is a lot on my mind. Is there really things bothering me, or am I just creating troubles for myself? Winter quarter is starting on Monday. I won't have time to think about random things soon enough.
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January 11, Wed
+ Middle of Nowhere
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11:51 PM
Initiation was fun. We went to Joshua Tree and rented a house and cabin in the middle of nowhere. We had a lot of group activities and I got lots of pictures. I'm so proud of my little brother. I can't believe he's a brother now. I still remember when he was rushing. Time does pass by quick. We all bonded in one way or another in this trip I would say.
Anyway, school has started again. Work has started again as well. I just got most of my classes settled today. I'm happy to say that I got in my senior project class, which means I'm most likely able to graduate on time. I'm only taking 3 classes this quarter, so it shouldn't be that bad. I wish I could say everything is back to normal again, but sometimes something will never be what they used to be. You just need to learn to deal with the changes.
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January 15, Sun
+ Really Short and Reddish Brown
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03:37 PM
Friday night we went out to dinner with a whole bunch of people for Phil's birthday. We went to this Korean restaurant that was definitely over-charged. Then we went to Boomers! for miniature golf. It was my first time going to Boomers! and my first time playing miniature golf. Afterward we went back to Phil's place and drink and play games 'til really late.
Yesterday I went shopping with Hideki but I didn't buy much. Last night Kiet helped me cut my hair and Hideki dyed it for me. Now I've this really short, reddish brown haircut. I'm really happy with it. There were so many times in the past when I went to get a haircut at barber shops and they never cut it how I wanted. This time Kiet totally listened to me and cut it exactly how I want it. I shall post some pictures up once I've them cropped and resized.
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January 22, Sun
+ Surprise Party
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10:25 PM
Tomorrow is Hide's birthday, so last Friday we threw him a surprise party at our apartment. It was Kiet's idea, and I was responsible for somehow bringing Hide to our apartment Friday night without him getting suspicious. So, I asked him to go shopping with me at the North County mall in Escondido. We spent so much time there, and while the time came for us to head back to the apartment, I had to come up with some excuse to get Hide to go ('cause we all know, when Hide goes shopping, it's not that easy to get him to leave unless he bought the whole mall with him...) Anyway, I managed to get him back to the apartment an hour later than the original planned time. He totally didn't see it coming. The party theme was Japan, so Kiet made all these origami and hung them all over the apartment for decoration, and some people were wearing Japanese clothing, etc.
I got a surprise that night too... well, I don't really want to go into details about it. Let's just say that what happened that night makes me re-evaluate what I really want. And yes, sex is really overrated.
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January 26, Thu
+ Pleasant Yet Tiring.
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09:23 PM
This past week was somewhat pleasant despite a little tiring. Work at the Resource Center is once again exciting again. We're in the process of implementing a new mailing list system that will allow the Resource Center to send out HTML-formatted newsletters and automatically archive all newsletters. Thanks God that's going to save a lot of my time 'cause I'm manually archiving every single newsletter that's going out every week. Once the new system is in effect, I'm going to be able to spend the time archiving the newsletters in something else that's more artistically productive. We had a special meeting regarding the content and layout of the new newsletter this last Monday. We're planning on launching the new newsletter as we move to the new space. There is still a lot to be done, so I'm actually a bit overwhelmed, but I'm still excited to be working on something new.
In terms of schoolwork, I'm still procrastinating and doing all the assignments at the last minute as always, but holding up nonetheless. For my senior project, I've created a blog for documentation purpose and as a part of the class requirement. So please feel free to stop by, comment along the way and take part in the creative process. Ideas and suggestions are highly welcomed for I'm not that creative when it comes to school projects.
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January 30, Mon
+ Unexpectedly Eventful Weekend
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10:26 AM
This weekend was quite unexpectedly eventful. Friday night Kiet went out for a date and a hookup. So, feeling lonely and bored, I went to Chris' to hang out with him. We ended up watching a few episodes of Loveless and decided wouldn't it be great if there was an anime version of Chris. So, at his request, I spent the rest of the night drawing Chris into different anime characters and coloring them. That night turned out to be quite fun. It was quite some time since the last time I drew, so I actually really enjoyed it, being able to draw anime/manga type stuff and not have to do "art" projects. We only managed to get one colored and edited for his various online profiles. He also put it up on his blog, so feel free to take a look.
Saturday Kiet went back home for Lunar New Year, so I was alone again. Chris wanted to go to his work to scan the sketches from the night before so I went with him and installed a copy of iLife '06. It was fabulous and I love Apple dearly. For the rest of the day I wasn't planning on doing much but catching up with some homework and tv series originally, but Chris convinced me to go clubbing with him, T.J., Luke, and Phil. Well, it was mostly for Phil 'cause I heard he got a new haircut and I wanted to see it. We went to Numbes and it was alright. I have only been to two clubs in San Diego, and both times I wasn't too impressed. Personally I enjoyed going clubbing in West Hollywood more. It is just the atmosphere and the mood of the clubs. Well, and the people too. In San Diego clubs, people keep staring at me from the moment I walk in to the moment I leave. And then there was also this strange (or way-too-friendly-for-my-liking) girl who just hugged me and kept offering to buy me a drink and trying to get me to dance with her. Well, just overall a weird experience. The oh-so-hot Jason was there too, and he actually called me and said hi before I even noticed him. I would probably have struck up a conversation with him if that strange girl didn't keep pulling me onto the dance floor. I was mad, but then now I think about it, I wouldn't know what to say to Jason anyway. We went to Denny's for food afterward, and yes, T.J. was very funny and entertaining the whole night. Definitely a great person to be around, especially when you're down.
I called my dad asking for extra money this weekend. This is the first time in the past 4 years since I came over to the states for college, of course excepts those scheduled times for tuition money. I've never ran out of money before, and I don't know how I've come to this, especially with me having a part-time job. I think it was all the traveling I did over the summer, or maybe it was the oh-so-many fraternity events and obligations. In the past, I always have money left over at the end of each quarter, but this past Fall quarter I actually barely made it, and I'm actually out of money this quarter. Well, the quarterly checks my parents send me have always been tight ever since I transferred to UCSD, since tuition and textbooks took up a huge part of it, but with my part-time job I was still able to get by merely comfortably last year (on top of getting a PowerBook and a digital camera. But I actually ran out of money this year!! How did that happen? I really feel like a burden to my family, especially with my asking for extra money, and I definitely wouldn't have done it if it wasn't my last resort. Well, I only have one and a half more quarter left, so I just need to get my acts back together and actually pay attention to my spending.
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January 31, Tue
+ Extra Hours
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10:02 PM
I'm so glad I got more hours at work. I'll be working about 16 hours a week instead of 10 for a while until they hire a new Assistant Director. I actually need those hours to complete the amount of work I've considering how much is on my plate right now, not to mention I need the extra cash too. But then schoolwork is also a bit overwhelming lately. Spring rush is coming up too. And I'm also tired and stressed out over money. I hope my parents send me the check I asked for soon. It's just not easy having to worry about other stuff while handling school, work, and the fraternity at the same time.
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