|
March 1, Wed
+ This is Life, I Guess
|
01:33 AM
I've been so busy these weeks. Just got done with Spring Rush a week ago. At work, the Resource Center has finally moved, but we're not quite settled in yet. There are still lots to be done before we can officially open for business. I don't know why, I'm constantly putting myself under pressure and making myself worry about things. I was stressing out over money a while back, and now I got it resolved, I'm stressing out over school and looking for a job after graduation. There are so much needed to be done, and sometimes I just feel really lost. Like I just wish that life could be simplier. Not having a special someone who I can lean on and fall back on every once a while just makes things that much worse. This is life, I guess.
05:55 PM
I was a huge mess last night. I don't even remember when was the last time I got this drunk. I really don't know what I want anymore. It has been so emotionally tiring hanging out with Kiet. I've been going through a lot of emotional roller coaster hanging around him. I missed those days when I used to be able to be happy simply by myself; those days when I was able to controlled my own feelings. I hate myself for not being able to let go but keep holding on to those feelings I have for Kiet. I feel like I don't live for myself anymore and I hate how a person can so easily dominate the way I feel. Those days when I have small random crushes on people might feel lonely, but they seem so much more bearable to me.
I didn't believe it before, but alcohol does help you stop thinking. I started drinking more and more on the way back from GameBoi, in attempt to stop my brain from thinking and my heart from feeling. It was embarrassing pouring my heart out to Chris and Phil. Phil is so sensitive. He always knows when something is wrong with me. I spent a night at Chris, and everything was fine again today. What a wonderful way to start Spring break. I don't know how many more of these nights I can handle.
|
March 28, Tue
+ Am I Intimidating?
|
04:23 AM
The other day Kiet bought up an idea that I might be intimidating to some people. I was definitely surprised to hear that. Out of so many characteristics of mine, I would've never even considered intimidating being one of them. I, on the other hand, quite often found other people intimidating on a regular basis, perhaps due to my lack of self-confidence and my physical appearance. As I do to other issues in my life, I tried to rationalize it and find out the cause. We came up with a few insights. According to Kiet, there are many forms of intimidations, and they're not always consis of phyiscal attributes. My "talents" and "skills" might intimidate others the same way others intimidate me phyiscally. A concept that I'm still trying to understand. In addition, Robbie suggested that perhaps my intimidations originated from my quietness and shyness, which provides fewer opportunities for people to get to know me. However, I must say that my initial quietness and shyness are often caused by intimidations I feel from others (as many of my friends know that I'm not quite a quiet person), which ironically, somehow translated into my own intimidations toward others. Life is how very interesting. There are still so much more yet to be discovered about myself.
|
March 29, Wed
+ The Most Beautiful Comment
|
05:38 PM
I stayed up all night helping Gary with some video editing stuff for his work. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or just me in general lately, I got really emotional this morning and had the loneliest feeling ever, I started calling people to hangout, but with everyone else still going to school and working just didn't help much. Then I got this comment on my MySpace profile from Ben:
"Ah... Clement... Because of your great heart... you are the tallest person in my eyes... Because of your kindness... you are the strongest person I know... Because of you... The world is different than before... You Rock...
B.P. Lee"
It was the sweetest and most beautiful message I've ever gotten from anyone. It literally brought tears to my eyes. How could I be so stupid to think that no one cares?
|
